when scooter and ryno were in the eighth grade i drove them to school every morning. ryno was scooter's best friend. an equally nice kid, and both of them were wise beyond their years, likely because they spent so much time as my captive audience on those rides to and from school. they learned a lot of valuable life lessons.
the first lesson i taught them was the secret words of life. these words, so valuable, yet so simple, i explained, can be used for virtually any purpose. to woo a girl. to lift yourself when you're down. to display intelligence when those around you may be doubting you have any. and we owe it all to johnny rivers. boys, i told them, when you find a girl that you may be smitten with, look her straight in the eyes and quote this magical line . . . do doo doo wah, schooby doobie. and there you have it. you'll win that chick over before she has a chance to cover the tracks of her tears.
as scooter and ryno grew into adolescence and on into adulthood they parted paths. sad. but it's a coming of age thing. friends in eighth grade just have to drift apart sometimes. so we reached a time when i no ryno was no longer able to partake of my words of wisdom, so i simply continued to share them with scooter alone. and i grew from this act as well.
i tutored scooter on the meaning of life, the facts of life, the pratfalls of life, the virtues of life. for 22 years i've saturated his mind with meaningful, insightful tidbits of information that he will be able to draw from throughout his entire life. the kid is now nearly as sage as his old man.
and then today i learned something else. and i can't wait to share it with him. this might be the most meaningful thought since johnny rivers' famous quote. so scooter, i share it with you now. a very important rule of life - are you ready.
son, life's too short. don't sweat the petty stuff. and by all means, don't pet the sweaty stuff.